Dream Dates, Happy Plates

My ex-boyfriend Sam was featured in an article in this month's Instinct magazine. He was the guy who went on a date with the guy who got stood up by his blind date. I usually have bad experiences with my exes, but I wouldn't dream of trashing Sam on my blog. We parted as friends and we're still friends. I wish I could say the same about other men I've dated. Ahem, *BRADLEY*

I've always wondered what it would be like to go on a blind date. I would think that the success rate of gay blind dates is kind of low. I don't often generalize or stereotype, but I get one "double standard" card a month so I'll use it today. A lot of gay men are very closed-minded when it comes to dating. It's always dinner and a movie or coffee at the Starbucks. I don't want people to see me eat on a date. It's not a pretty sight. I will fuckin devour every last bit of food on my plate just like I did when I was a kid. Mama always wants a happy plate! And movies... who wants to sit in the dark and stare in one direction for two hours when on a date? That's the kind of stuff you do AFTER you start going out because it gives you time to catch up on sleep or fantasize about being a WW2 fighter pilot. You can't do that fun stuff when you're interacting with a guy.

When I'm out on a date, I like to demonstrate the full spectrum of my "Richie-ness," so we'll do something that I really suck at doing, followed by something that I'm really good at doing. That means we'll go to a karaoke pool hall because I can't carry a tune or sink a ball, then I'll shag his brains out.