Woah baby!

I have a feeling that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby will be the harbinger of the apocalypse. I'm a little bit psychic and I got this uneasy feeling when I heard that she was going to have a baby. It's that feeling like when you know that the mexican food you ate is definitely going to come out of you in the worst way. It's that latent premonition that you'll be on the crapper, cringing in pain and bracing yourself against the sink and the wall.

Scientology children will definitely be outcasts in the real world, so they'll have to go to a special scientology school. I imagine the teachers wearing druid cloaks and it's gonna be like "Eyes Wide Shut" meets "Harry Potter." There will be virgin sacrifices in fourth period, right after a lecture on alchemy in the north wing.

It is kind of hot to think about Tom Cruise having sex. He's got one of the cutest asses, even though he's nuttier than a payday bar. He'd be too scary to have as a boyfriend. You couldn't have nice furniture because he'd be jumping on it and prancing about in his underwear and a pair of shades. "Tom! Get off that sofa! This is why we can't have nice things!" I'd like to have Prince William as a boyfriend. You can tell that he'd be a huge sex machine because proper british gentlemen just love their afternoon shag sessions. And he's related to a queen, so he won't have a problem having sex with this one. Ha ha. Mmmm... royal sex.