Super Sonic, Lesbionic, Christians and their Gin and Tonic

A 14 year old girl in California was expelled from her Christian school because her parents are lesbians. What were her parents thinking, enrolling their daughter in a Christian school? There's a certain caveat when dealing with the Christian Church. The first one being THEY DON'T TAKE KINDLY TO CARPET MUNCHERS! Lesbians versus Christians... there's a conflict for the history books. Though seemingly unalike on the surface, lesbians and Christians both possess terrifying powers of persuasion and are not to be taken lightly! I learned this lesson in junior high...

Mary stood 6 feet tall and played basketball, baseball, and football in junior high. Everyone knew she'd be a big lesbian but they were all afraid to say it. Mary was huge! You knew she was coming your way when you'd be holding a drink in the quad and could see the liquid rumbling like in Jurassic Park. She also had this loud, booming voice and you jumped every time you heard her speak because it was so loud and sonorous. I made the mistake of calling her Scary Mary when she showed up to class with nappy hair. She had me in a choke hold an hour later, making me swear that I'd never make fun of her again. To this day, I clench my throat when I see a large woman with bed head.

It was also in junior high that I had a run-in with the Christian church. My best friend at the time convinced me that I should go to church with him one night. Church on a Wednesday? I didn't care because I had the hots for him. He must have thought my soul needed some extra saving because he did his best to convert me. Which is weird becuase I was actually trying to convert HIM, but for totally different reasons. He took me to his youth group and they all ganged up on me because I said that I wasn't saved. I didn't know what they meant by "saved." I just thought that I'd never been in a life-threatening situation. Saved? Hmm. Anyway, they all started singing to me and hugging me. I hadn't seen so many white people swaying in unison since I saw a clip of a Yanni concert on PBS. What was scary was the fact that there were so many of them. But then I found out that they just waited for the adults to leave so they could get wasted on the liquor they stole from their parents' liquor cabinets. I lost touch with my friend over the years. I hope he's gay now because he had the cutest ass I'd ever seen on a white boy.