Who doesn't want to wear the ribbon?

I got my packet in the mail today for the AIDS run this Saturday. I am number 550 and I am going to run the shit out of that 5 kilometers. I was completely unprepared last time and I’m a little ashamed of it. Somewhere in my drug-marinated brain, I got the idea that the run was only two miles. Boy was I wrong! After forty five agonizing minutes, I staggered across the finish line and collapsed to the floor wanting more drugs to ease the pain.

This year I’m off the smack, I’m twenty pounds heavier, and I’ve got an ass that’ll make the spectators do a double take. I wish my family could be here to cheer me on. This run will definitely be a milestone in my life after drugs. Drugs are bad. And to all the Seinfeld fans out there, I will wear the ribbon.