You're Invited!

It's not often that two simple words can make you feel appreciated, accepted, and just plain fabulous. No, it's not "let's fuck," although that does make me feel fabulous 99% of the time. I'm talking about opening up an e-mail or an envelope and reading the first two words on the page: YOU'RE INVITED

You get all giddy with anticipation. You feel so proud to have been included in whatever the hell the event is (you don't even care because you just got INVITED to something!). What are you going to wear? Who else will be there? How many of the guests will you have sex with? It's so easy to get caught up in the excitement. Oh, and you if you are "cordially" invited to something, then clear your calender for the week leading up to it!

I first learned what power these two words held when I was in the fourth grade. Up until the third grade, you were pretty much friends with everyone in the class. Then you notice groups of people whispering and meeting each other on the playground. The game of 'freeze tag' is not cool anymore, and everyone is suddenly into 'four square.' My biggest burn happened when I arrived at school one Monday and heard that one of my friends had an awesome birthday party and I wasn't invited. It's a feeling that forces you to examine your self worth. What was so wrong with me that my friend didn't invite me to his party?

It's then that you realize that the world is no longer a happy playground with smiling faces and kickballs for every ten kids. It's cold, savage, and only the cool kids get invited to parties. The sting of not being invited never dulls, no matter how old you get. It happens to all of us.

It even happens to Asian bloggers with big booties and deep voices. Sometimes they don't get invited to the weddings of some of their closest friends, and then they give some lame-0 excuse like they didn't have his address or phone number or e-mail. PSHA! The bitch just didn't want me there. UH! Gay men give fabulous gifts. I don't see why she wouldn't want me there. The only thing I can think of is that she didn't want anyone sexier to draw attention away from her and her holster hips. There, I typed it. Holster hips!

I think that the act of purposely not inviting someone to a special event says something about the strength of the relationship between inviter and invitee. The person HAS to know that they're not sending an invite to someone and they're just too spineless to tell them that they don't matter enough. Remember what happened to Princess Aurora (sleeping beauty) when the king didn't invite Carabosse to the christening? The entire kingdom was cursed with slumber for a hundred years! It really started out as a simple curse of death to the princess, but if you recall, the last fairy was able to make it into a sleepy curse. Anyway, if you think that an evil fairy's curse is bad, just imagine how a gay man would react to the news that one of his good friends didn't invite him to her wedding! Nothing hurts more than the frosty gaze of a scorned gay in the lobby of a Starbucks in the suburbs.

Oh, and I love how all my other friends didn't bother to tell me about the wedding. You can guess where all of them are now. Yep, they're out of shape and divorced or trying to have a baby to save their loveless marriages. I'm like the evil fairy in Sleeping Beauty, but without the dancing rats.