Never a groom

If there's one thing that my friend, Joe, and I agree on, it's that we hate gay weddings. I just roll my eyes at any type of ceremony where love is celebrated because I don't believe in love. Ugh, love. Joe, on the other hand, finds gay weddings nauseating. He wasn't very clear about it, but then I thought back to that show on Bravo called "Gay Weddings."

Gay Weddings featured four couples and their journey down the aisle. It was very painful to watch, as each couple had major drama before their respective ceremonies. I remember the lesbian couple that panicked when the manly woman who was to make their wedding cake called them the day before the wedding to announce that her father had been found murdered the night before. Then the woman was like: "what are we going to do about a cake then?" I was starting to get a good idea of what Joe was talking about.

Then, fate stepped in to shove a finger further down my throat in hopes of making me vomit by airing "First Comes Love" on Logo. It was the first thing that appeared on my television when I turned it on at 6 P.M. last night. I figured that a few years had passed and that gay couples who plan on getting married should be a little different by now. I thought I was prepared for this one.

The couple wanted a tasteful and elegant wedding. Remember those two words, tasteful and elegant. Everything was going fine until they brought out their main idea for the evening: All the guests would wear masquerade masks. There's nothing more elegant than 120 guests decked out in big feathery and glittery masks! Oh yeah, and one of the guys was going to cater the event himself. He would be responsible for rolling enough lamb meatballs (that he had to thaw in his shower) to feed all those people.

Keeping the tastefulness and elegance of the evening meant having Bollywood dancers and a belly dancer performing under all of the tents they had to set up because it rained that night. But they did interview a fire juggler, so at least it wasn't tacky. ::faint::

If you enjoy watching slow motion train wrecks, then this show is for you. I'm sure all gay weddings aren't as messy or dramatic as this one was, but why have a wedding if it'll only end up being a party with a few mushy words thrown in?

Why do gay people need wedding ceremonies, anyway? Though I'm not a big fan of love, you have to see where I'm going with this. I think gay people get caught up in trying to be regarded as equals when it comes to living in a world with straight people that they come up with outlandish ways to tell the world that "we're here, we're different, and we're fabulous!" Meanwhile, the rest of the gays get pressured into going to these things that their friends just had to do and we end up having to watch two grooms feed each other wedding cake shaped like a gay flag.