In My Wildest Dreams

I'm one of the many Americans plagued with sleep problems. I'd have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Sometimes I won't get into my sleep groove until 5 A.M. and by then it's time to get up! Then I asked my doctor about sleep aids.

We had to do some testing to see which sleep aid was right for me. I tried Ambien, then Lunesta. Both helped me fall asleep, but I couldn't STAY asleep. It was really quite frustrating... until he gave me Ambien CR.

Ambien CR has two layers - one helps you fall asleep fast and the other is slowly released into your body to help you stay asleep. It's fucking amazing. I'd sleep for seven to eight hours and feel refreshed, but I wouldn't wake up with my eyes fluttering and my arms stretched as I yawned with a big smile on my face. The first time I took Ambien CR, I awoke with a startled gasp - sweating through my sheets and sitting up with a terrified flash.

One of the side effects of Ambien CR is intense nightmares. The first terrifying dream had me kidnapped by the mobster Mr. Craig from General Hospital, with Kelly Clarkson as his accomplice. It ended with me wrestling the gun from Kelly in attempt to overpower her and eventually escape with the help of Peyton Manning and the little league team he was coaching. I've had several other nightmares with demons forcing me to build pyramids, department store owners trying to hit me with mannequin parts, and forced sex dreams with attractive men. I don't know if the forced sex qualifies as a nightmare if the attacker is ultra hot. Hmm...

If you have trouble sleeping, but want to experience fantastic sights that you can't even see on the weirdest science fiction movie, then go and get some Ambien CR. It's the new peyote!