Ten reasons why Tivo is better than a boyfriend

1. You tell Tivo what you want and Tivo finds it for you. Tell your boyfriend to find stuff for you and all of a sudden you're "demanding."

2. Tivo doesn't wear underwear, so you never have to worry about Tivo borrowing your favorite pair of low rise briefs (the ones that make your ass look like a million bucks) and leaving skid marks in them.

3. When you don't like what you see or hear, Tivo gives you the power to skip past all of it. You can't do that when your boyfriend is talking about the mundane details of his day at work or else you'll hurt his FEELINGS! ::violin music playing::

4. You don't ever have to feel guilty leaving Tivo at home while you do fun stuff with your friends. I can't tell you how many gay men won't come to a gay burlesque show with a group of fun guys unless his boyfriend is also invited.

5. Tivo is always 'in the loop,' constantly gathering information just for your satisfaction. How many times have you had to explain a pop culture reference to your boyfriend because he's never heard of Riverdance or Dilbert?

6. Tivo never gains weight. Not that that matters, but it's nice to be able to pick something up without breaking your back.

7. Push Tivo's buttons and you get to watch The Sopranos. Push your boyfriend's buttons and his voice gets all whiny and he goes to his room and cries like a little bitch because he's so SENSITIVE!

8. Tivo only connects to the internet to update scheduling information. My last boyfriend only connected to the internet because he was trying to hook up with a bunch of cracked out queens who need viagra to get it up.

9. Tivo has won two Emmy awards. Isn't it nice to brag to your friends how you've got a two time Emmy winner living in your apartment? How many Emmy awards has YOUR boyfriend won in his life?

10. Tivo never asks you loaded questions like "Do you think I'm cute?" or "How many people have you ever slept with?" or "Is this the best blowjob you've ever had, or what?"