... like a fuck buddy scorned

If you get around as much as I do, it happens all the time. You'll be walking down the street, sitting on the train, chatting it up with your friends at the bar, or ordering food at a restaurant. Then you see someone you think you know, so you consult your internal fuck buddy database. You use your own form of facial recognition programming to match a certain jawline or a shape of the nose to that guy you met a year ago who points his toes when he ejaculates.

Finally, you're sure that you've made a positive ID and you go in to say hello. But he does his best to avoid eye contact with you from across the room! Puzzled, you step closer and notice that he's got that "oh shit" look on his face as he tries to come up with an excuse as to why he tried to give you the slip earlier. It could be any one of these tired excuses:

1. I didn't recognize you.
2. I thought it was you, but I wasn't sure! How are you?
3. No, I don't think we've met.

It's called the Fuck Buddy Burn. This happens when you encounter one of your fuck buddies in public and they give you the cold shoulder. I could never understand why people act that way. It's just sex. It's not like we stole top secret documents from the Russian nuclear program and we're in fear of being seen in public together. If you feel so ashamed to see one of your butt boys out in public, then you shouldn't be inviting them over at 3 a.m. to play hide and seek with the one-eyed trouser snake.

There's a certain code of ethics in the world of casual sex that makes things less awkward for everyone. You should always treat people with an ounce of respect, no matter how weird or amazing the sex was between you and them. This means you don't smother them with affection or pretend not to know them when they say hello.

After a recent burn an old fuck buddy at a bar, I decided to grill him for some info. He claimed that he wanted to put that chapter of his life as far behind him as possible, implying that what I'm still doing (hardcore fucking with as many men as possible) is morally reprehensible. But you just can't ignore your past like it's an unpaid speeding ticket. One day it will come back to make you miserable, so you should just fucking pay it right then and there. Do you get the connection?

I'm not a bad person. If I were a bad person, I would have ignored the fact that he was there with his boyfriend and asked him when he was going to come over again to spank me with a duck shaped letter opener.