Leveling the playing field... or looking good on it, at least

One thing that really annoys me is when people who are really good at something do something that they're really good at in an environment where they're surrounded by people who are nowhere near their level. It happens all the time and I think that people do it to make themselves feel better at the expense of others. I consider myself a jack of all trades and a master of none. It keeps life interesting! I just hate having a shaky sense of self worth because it can all come crashing in on me at any time. There is hope for people like me. Being able to recognize the fact that these people are socially inept is the first step in keeping your self esteem. You just have to be scientific about it by watching and observing.

Have you ever been to a karaoke bar where everyone is having fun because they're drunk and they can't sing? It's all fun and everyone is having a good time until a prissy little queen with nine years of professional voice lessons under his Dolce & Gabbana belt comes in and sings a Mariah Carey song perfectly and makes everyone feel like untalented shit because he didn't make it to the American Idol competition. The only way to steal his thunder is to be witty.

I was in a similar situation when I lived in Houston. After the prissy queen sang Mariah Carey's "Hero," it was my turn. I chose Madonna's "Like a Virgin," and made a little announcement before it started. I told the audience that anyone who thinks that I'm not a virgin needs to buy me a shot and I'll drink it during the song. I assured everyone that I was as pure as mountain spring water from the French Alps. That made everyone even more eager to get me all liquored up. I'm singing the song and downing shots of Jagermeister and I successfully finish the song while standing. The crowd loved it and the karaoke host was in stitches. I dedicated the song to the prissy queen and he rolled his eyes at me.

People get caught up in the initial shock of being compared to people who seem to be really good at something. It's something I've had a problem with for a really long time, but I've learned that I've got my own thing going on and I'm proud of it. Being able to recognize your strong suits and exploiting it to combat silly gay boys at karaoke bars is what makes life worth living. Hmph. Who wears Dolce & Gabbana to a karaoke bar, anyway? What a loser.