Boy Blunder

I was at the supermarket last night picking up some beef for dinner, when I saw one of the cutest butchers ever. It was a remarkable experience because I've always imagined butchers to be cynical, gray-haired men who wore white clothes and brandished meat cleavers like Vic Tayback (Mel) from the hit tv show "Alice." You just don't see extremely hot butchers. The same goes for cab drivers and morticians. Have you ever seen a fuckable mortician? Eeew, but would you want to fuck a guy who messes with dead bodies? Blech. Anyway, this butcher boi was extremely gorgeous and I wanted to say hi to him.

What I wanted to say to him was: "Hey how's it going?"

What I really said to him was: "Boy, you sure have a lot of meat to handle!"

He looked at me like I was stupid and I got so embarrassed that I bumped into a shopping cart and dropped my beef into it. I was fumbling around in some stranger's cart trying to get my meat and the cart owner came up to me and was like: "UM, EXCUSE ME!" Then I saw the butcher boy wheel his meat cart away and out of my life forever.

In moments of extreme pressure and anxiety, I tend to become an enormous fumbling klutz who says stupid things. I think it happens to everyone, but I don't know why I always end up looking like a complete nutjob. Does this mean that I am not in control of my emotions? I've always thought that I was cool with my feelings and that I had everything in balance. My experience at the supermarket quickly deflated my faith in my 'coolness.' The problem is that whenever I see someone cute, my spastic anima emerges and disastrous hilarity ensues.

Instead of trying to remedy the situation, I've decided to cultivate it. I'm willing to bet that I'm not the only queen with this problem. The way I see it, I'm bound to run into someone who thinks that my embarrassment is cute. Some may even be flattered by it. I will make it my goal to turn my 'charming bungler' personality into a cute and refreshing thing for all the world to see.