Leggo My Ego!

I really hate surprises, so I screen all of my calls whenever I don’t recognize the phone number. Since I got my new phone number six months ago, I’ve received about ten or twelve calls from people I don’t know. Here are a few samples of what I have to go through:

Crying woman: Hi Gina, it’s Debbie. Listen, I know we haven’t talked in over a year but I really want you to be one of my bridesmaids. I know we said a lot of things to each other that we didn’t mean, but I hope we can get past all that. Please call me back. If I don’t hear from you in a week, I’ll assume that you don’t want to talk to me ever again…

Loud man: HEY TANESHA! WHERE YOU AT? CALL ME!

Jamaican man: Da package has been sent. I am calling you now to tell you that I sent it tree days ago man. Don’t call my house phone again!

Old woman: George, it’s mama. Are you ok? I’m calling because we haven’t heard from you in such a long time. Dad and I have been wondering if you’ve been doing well. We’re really worried about you. We’re at home. Call us as soon as you get this ok? Bye.

I kind of feel like Nell Carter on “Gimme a Break” whenever she answered the phone and the person always asked for Julio. I don’t know how these people got my number. It can’t be a coincidence that I get so many wrong numbers, so there are three possible explanations:

1. Sprint has recycled my phone number and it used to belong to someone else.
2. People actually dialed the wrong number.
3. I am suffering from Dissociative Identity disorder and all of the people really ARE calling the correct number – they’re just asking for my alter egos.

Wouldn’t it be a hoot if number 3 was the right explanation? Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID, is the new term for Multiple Personality Disorder. I’d have to account for some missing time because these people would have to have known me for a while to leave such intimate messages. Well… except for the Jamaican guy with the package. I could have been his drug dealer or something. Hmm… there HAVE been reports of people who are able to astral project. Astral projection is the ability to leave your body and go places while your corporeal self remains in place. If my mind was fractured into all these different personalities and if I was able to project each of these personalities to different parts of the country and give people my cell phone number, this totally would explain why I get so many calls from people I don’t know.