Ladies in Waiting

If you're familiar with the Buffy universe, then you'd know about the whole "slayer" lore. Basically, all the young girls in the world have the potential to be chosen as a slayer. In the mean time, they're conditioned and trained by 'watchers' who prepare them for the time when they are chosen to be endowed with superhuman strength and agility. This concept can be applied to the gay world. Girls who would become slayers are referred to as 'potentials.' Boys who will eventually come out of the closet are called "Sisters in Training" or SITs.

I was at Linens n Things the other day, looking for a kitchen knife. Going to LNT is like a treasure hunt because they love to hide shit in the places where you normally wouldn't think to look for them. I found the knives on an endcap between the jars and the olive oil, because where else would the damned knives be? Near the cutting boards? NOPE! During my knife hunt, I noticed a lot of young boys shopping with their mothers. There are usually about one or two of them every time I go out, but it was like the whole store was full of SITs. You have to love the mothers who take their sons shopping with them because they're sowing the seeds that we'll eventually reap later at the bars when they turn legal. The problem is that too much motherly doting can turn the SIT into a mama's boy. They need proper guidance in this crazy world.

Some SITs do need a lot of guidance, especially when they're constantly surrounded by what the media loves to put out there in the gay culture. What do the young boys have as examples, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? Is that still on the air? All I had growing up was figure skating and Waylon Smithers from the Simpsons.

I'm developing a gay mentor program that I am testing on my nephew. He's a nice mix of Filipino/Indian/Polish/Portuguese, so he's set when it comes to looks. I will surreptitiously train him to become a fantastic boy who will hopefully become gay. If not, then he'll be a cute metrosexual boy. Either way, he'll knock 'em dead. I plan to use a lot of jazz hands in the training exercises, as well as flash cards that feature famous gay icons like Rock Hudson and Errol Flynn.