Music makes the people cum together... yeah!

Lindsay Lohan sang "Edge of Seventeen" last night on the American Music Awards. How wrong is that? She had on some ugly ass 60's throwback go-go dancer wannabe Nancy Sinatra outfit that made her look like a bag lady on Abbey Road. Ugh. Who told her that she could sing a Stevie song? Eeew.

Gwen Stefani was the best though. She won an award for favorite female artist and she was like: "What did I win?" HA HA!

The closest I came to being a singer was participating in the school choir in junior high. I was a soprano that year and the movie "Sister Act" had just come out on home video, so you can imagine how corny our selections were. I was at that tender age where young boys burst into manhood, so my vocal cords were all over the place. I went from a soprano to tenor in the course of a month and everyone just decided that I was too unpredictable to be kept on the team.

Shunned by the musical community, I retreated to the solace of the Academic Challenge Bowl and all the cute gay nerds involved in that arena. I got to be on tv that year and the choir placed last in the county competition. Yay! I also gave one of my very first hand jobs to one of the cute nerd boys on my team. We timed it so both of us climaxed at the same time. Ah, to be young and inexperienced...