Transit Woes

We need to take back the public transportation system here in Chicago. The riffraff has scared the normal people into a sad, sad state and I think it's time for us to fight back.

This morning, a crazy man got on board and started yelling at people. He was big, ugly, and smelled of garlic. The first person to get up and panic was a pasty white woman with raccoon eye makeup. No offense to pasty white women, but what the fuck did she think was going to happen? She wasn't THAT cute! Anyway, the crazy man pulled the emergency lever and the train stopped. He then made his way to the first car and beat down the door to the control room.

Fifteen minutes later, the conductor and the crazy man came to our car. Everyone stared, but no one said anything. Finally, when the crazy guy passed me, I said "Thanks a lot, asshole! Now I'm late for work!" He yelled at me, but I just ignored him and changed the song on my mp3 player. The whole time this is happening, Raccoon eyes is looking and staring and relieved that her chastity is intact. HA HA! Chastity.

We need to stand up and fight all of the crazies who threaten our morning commute! After we deal with that, we'll tackle the "blind" guy who makes his way up and down the train, asking for donations. He's not blind, folks! I saw him at Osco buying cigarettes. Ugh I hate when people give him money.