Death by cheez-it

When I got home last night, I was so hungry that I ate everything in sight. I had rice and corned beef, but that did not satiate my monstrous appetite so I reached for some cheez-its. I like to be completely naked when I eat because I'm a messy eater and I hate to get food on my clothes. Suddenly, I start to choke on a jagged cheez-it. I was coughing and gasping for air, but the one thought that raced through my head was "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

Tripping over my gym bag, I grab the first shirt that I see and I put it on backwards. I'm still choking and coughing. Then I debated whether or not I should put the shirt on correctly. After about 45 seconds, I managed to swallow the cheez-it and I collapsed onto the floor. I was laying there, face down with my head in the shirt and my arms not in the arm holes. I didn't get any shorts on so I was half naked and gasping for air.

I've always had a fear of how I'll be found if I were to die alone. That's why I don't chew gum when I'm masturbating anymore. LESSON LEARNED!