Bootylicious

The ongoing saga of my expanding body reached a milestone this morning as I was getting ready for work. I managed to get into my favorite pair of Gap jeans and I accidentally dropped my phone, so I bent over to pick it up. Then I heard a frightful sound. It was the sound of my pants ripping. My ass is so big now that I'm splitting pants. How scary is that? I guess it's a good thing because these are quantitative results of my intense workouts. I want to have one of those bubble butts that make peoples' heads turn. I want a ghetto booty. I want the full badonkadonk that people can set their drinks on.

There's a machine at the gym called the butt blaster that isolates the glutes. It's like the perfect machine for bottoms to use because it targets the ass muscles. I've maxed out that machine because I use the whole weight stack now. What's a boy to do? I guess I could go back to squats, but I hate the red mark that the bar leaves on my shoulders. It's ok though. It's either that or have no ass at all and I am not going back to THAT lifestyle. It's like being in junior high all over again, but with less porn on the internet.