Scavenger Hunt Results

For those of you who participated in the Oblogitory Gay Pride Parade Scavenger Hunt, thank you! Ahem.. I seem to be the only one who did it, but that's okay. Here's what I came up with:


* A politician who hasn't done anything to help the gays, but showed up to the parade in a pathetic attempt to show everyone that he has no problem being near the queers... as long as they don't try to sleep with him.



At least he didn't have shirtless go-go boys dancing on either side of him. I'd expect that type of behavior from Judy Baar Topinka, not Roberto Maldonado.







* Really, REALLY bad drag.
Surprisingly, I didn't see any REALLY bad drag. Everyone who made the attempt was properly shaved, well-tucked, fabulously dressed, and didn't look like they applied their makeup with a paintbrush.

* The big but short lesbian who goes around selling overpriced novelty parade gear such as pride flags, pride pins, hat umbrellas, and glow sticks. You know who I'm talking about.
I did see her on Saturday night outside of Sidetrack, trying to sell flashing brooches and glow-in-the-dark necklaces. She moves awfully fast for a short woman with a pull cart full of crap because when I tried to snap a picture of her, it turned out as a big glowing blur. I'm sure we'll see her at Market Days.

* The Altoids float!





Ah, the Altoids float. Nothing gets my motor going more than seeing a bunch of dirty boys trying to get themselves clean in an oversized Altoids tin filled with soap suds.






* An anti-gay sign that tells us that we're going to hell or that the rapture is coming. You get extra points if it's got a bible verse on it.





I was lucky enough to catch this before the parade started. The one holding the "Fear God" sign was cute in a nerdy sort of way. It's the glasses and the man-purse that totally give it away.



* A person with a drink in his or her hand who doesn't look 21.
I must have gotten this one confused with Market Days. Not a lot of people were outside with open containers of alcohol, so kudos to all of the bars for enforcing the rule that is often broken in New Orleans and anywhere Peter O'Toole is walking.

* A person you'd like to fuck.



I saw this float with all of the frat boys on it and I just couldn't decide which one I wanted. I'd like the one on the left to top me. He just looks like he's getting ready to hit me with a pledge paddle, doesn't he?

I'll use the one on the right whenever I feel the urge to top. Notice the form in his squat. His heels only come up off the floor slightly, and that's important for balance when you're getting pounded.


* A person not on a float, but who just happened to have brought his flags to twirl around. Double points if they're rainbow flags.





Yes, I'm just as shocked as you are. Apparently, this one didn't get the memo that twirling flags when you're NOT in a marching band or at a dance club in the 90s is a big no-no. I also get double points because they're rainbow flags.






* The line in front of a port-o-potty.



They're only waiting in this line because there was a rumor that someone drilled holes between the port-o-potties to act as glory holes.




















* Any one of my fuck buddies (just snap a photo of a random guy and you'll probably get this one right).
Whoever said that you can't swing your dick in the city of Chicago without hitting someone who I've been with was wrong, wrong WRONG! I really didn't see any of them out yesterday. I'm pretty sure that this is one of the signs of the apocalypse. Rain of fire, plague of locusts, absence of Richie's gentlemen callers... OH NO!