Pride Parade Scavenger Hunt

This year's pride-themed Oblogitory post was going to have a sort of dark tone to it. I wanted to promote radical gay pride in response to the blatant commercialization of the annual gay pride parade. The idea comes from an episode of Absolutely Fabulous, where Edina convinces Twiggy to promote "Fists Across America," a radical gay pride movement. Their motto is 'we won't take it lying down!'

I was a little sick of the fair weather fairies who show up on pride weekend and act stupid and drunk so they'd get photographed and displayed on news programs and newspapers, showing the world that gay means trashy and slushy. Some gay people are a little more classy when they're having fun. We all don't struggle to hold our liquor at 11:00 A.M. while posing shirtless with rainbow boas for pictures to post on our myspace profiles so that all of our shallow friends can be jealous that they weren't able to go because they had to work that day.

I was sick of the thousands of people who claim to have gay pride, but are nowhere to be found when anti-hate crime bills need public support. Those cute boys and girls on those floats who you whistle at are in danger of being beaten down because they're gay and the people who beat them will just get a slap on the wrist because the law doesn't protect homosexuals against hate crimes.

Then I figured that being a jerk during this time of year is a lot like trying to steal the magic of your sister's wedding day by announcing that you're a big flaming queer and that you can't support her marriage until all other gay people can get married. It's tacky and no one cares about what you have to say because they're so drunk already, so it definitely is a lot like being a jerk during pride.

So this year I am passing out a little 'gay pride' scavenger hunt list to all of my friends. It's a list of things to watch out for this Sunday during the parade. Bring a camera and snap a photo of whatever you can find on the list, then e-mail it to me. It's a ton of fun, and it beats being a jerk on a day where scantily clad young men and women roam the streets for reasons unknown to them.

GAY PRIDE PARADE SCAVENGER HUNT

• A politician who hasn't done anything to help the gays, but showed up to the parade in a pathetic attempt to show everyone that he has no problem being near the queers... as long as they don't try to sleep with him.

• Really, REALLY bad drag.

• The big but short lesbian who goes around selling overpriced novelty parade gear such as pride flags, pride pins, hat umbrellas, and glow sticks. You know who I'm talking about.
  

• The Altoids float!

• An anti-gay sign that tells us that we're going to hell or that the rapture is coming. You get extra points if it's got a bible verse on it.

• A person with a drink in his or her hand who doesn't look 21.

• A person you'd like to fuck.

• A person not on a float, but who just happened to have brought his flags to twirl around. Double points if they're rainbow flags.

• The line in front of a port-o-potty.

• Any one of my fuck buddies (just snap a photo of a random guy and you'll probably get this one right).
  

Happy hunting!