Grayed Expectations

The fastest way to increase your stress level is to expect things in life. I remember going to Disneyland with my family when I was a kid. Mother had an itinerary, complete with time checkpoints and a list of approved gift shop items for us to consider. When I wandered off for an hour to look at the stuff I wanted to look at, it threw off the entire plan and Mother was furious. All I wanted was to see Mickey Mouse because it wasn't on the itinerary. According to her, I ruined the family vacation.

I didn't understand how she could be so upset over a common contingency such as a wandering child until I visited my sister this Thanksgiving.

I had a wonderful idea of my Thanksgiving holiday. I'd cook a turkey, we'd have freshly-prepared food, we'd all sit at the table together as a family and I'd lead the Thanksgiving prayer with how thankful I was to be alive after my horrific experience overcoming my crystal meth addiction two years ago, I'd get to watch cartoons with my nieces, and we'd all fight the crowds at the shopping malls the next day.

Fate played its cruel joke on me this past week when nothing went the way I expected.

• Sister neglected to mention that she's got a friend living with her. The friend has a scummy child who gets into everything, preventing me from having quality uncle/niece time and spoiling the kids with lavish gifts.

• None of the food I wanted ever got made because food had already been prepared at a neighbor's apartment. Food was served on paper plates, the turkey was overcooked, and I had to sit on a dirty sofa while eating off of a Styrofoam plate that I had to blow the dust off of before putting food on. I felt like I was at a homeless shelter soup kitchen.

• I didn't get to lead the prayer because the level of awkwardness. The neighbors didn't seem like the type of people who were thankful for anything except Nascar and the invention of Frito Pie, so my sappy Thanksgiving prayer would have been wasted.

• We ended up having to take the scummy child with us to the mall the next day because his mother had to work. I wanted to be the uncle who would let them loose in a toy store, but I couldn't even do that because the fucking mall didn't have a toy store. What kind of mall doesn't have a toy store? I counted nineteen shoe stores and two Abercrombie stores. How sad is that?

• Perhaps the most harrowing experience was having to drink my wine out of a jelly glass at Thanksgiving dinner. As I sipped the sweet, sweet wine, my consciousness separated from my body in an attempt to salvage what little sanity I had left.

Last night I went to Minibar, a place that a lot of people think is pretentious. The truth is that 90% of the people who think it's so snobby have never even set foot in it. I normally have a plan of what needs to be accomplished in an evening of bar-hopping. I'd have to pick a cool drink, I'd have to wear the best outfit I had, and I'd need to get at least five phone numbers or go home with a guy in order for the evening to be a success.

I ended up having a wonderful evening, even after the drunk boy passed out and had to be dragged outside. I went there wearing the same outfit I wore earlier that day. I just picked a random drink and stuck with that the whole time, and I got to talk to a lot of fun and exciting people. Who'd have guessed?

I keep thinking of that scene from The Joy Luck Club when June had the moment with her mother about expecting things of her. The mother replies with: "Not expect anything! Never expect! Only hope!"

The context slightly differs in my situation, but Suyuan had something there with that line. People think that expectations and hopes are the same, but they are completely different. Think of how you feel when you expect something to happen, versus how you feel when you hope something happens.

The next time you expect something to happen, be sure to have your Valium ready when things don't go the way you wanted. I, on the other hand, will always hope for laughter and happiness in my day when I wake up in the morning.