If you wanna be my lover...

I went out to a bar with my friends on Saturday night and we had an excellent time chatting with everyone and waiting in line for the restroom. I met a man who was interested in sins of the flesh with my supple young body and we chatted for a bit. Before you go ragging on me for being so presumptuous, you must realize that the man had nothing interesting to talk about and he kept looking at me like I was a McRib and he'd been eagerly awaiting the return of the McRib and he hadn't eaten anything in six days.

He left momentarily and told me that he was going to go dance. If you've ever been to Big Chicks, then you'd know how small the dance space is there. The crowded dance floor, coupled with the fact that I was wearing an uncomfortable mechanical arm on my head that didn't allow me the freedom of movement that most people take for granted, wasn't too appealing to me at the time. I stayed and talked to my friends and other people who passed, when the man came back and bombarded me with more uncomfortableness.

Apparently, he wanted me to follow him like a nice little geisha. Since I am not a mind reader, I didn't know that he wanted me to go also. He went on to argue with me about the real color of Inspector Gadget's gloves. They're brown. They've always been brown. I know these things. And why the hell was I arguing with some dude in a bar about stupid shit like that? I left the bar with my friends and he followed us out.

Damn the alcohol for making me do things against my better judgment!!! According to my friends, I made out with the guy and gave him my phone number. Then he insulted my friends, calling them losers and rolling his eyes at them. That shit don't fly in Richie Town. Oh yeah, somehow my friends asked him if he wanted to join us for food and he said no. He matter of factly told us that he'd just eaten $127 worth of sushi and he wasn't hungry. I looked at him with pity and said "see ya," but he just followed us and expected me to go home with him. I really wish I hadn't been so drunk to make out with him and give him my number. Damn my inability to refuse beer!

It blows my mind whenever I encounter someone so socially inept. Treating people like shit and looking down on them may work for the women on Jerry Springer, but there's a group of people in America who have a bit of respect for themselves and for their friends. Not all gay men are willing to ditch their friends for pretentious dick (although pretentious dick is scrumptious, I do admit that).

If you're trying to pick someone up, it's probably not a good idea to piss his friends off. The Spice Girls weren't just whistling dixie in their hit single, Wannabe. And who's dumb enough to shell out $127 for sushi, anyway?