The Joy of Hex

I've been having the worst luck lately. It's never anything major. Little random things just happen to me sometimes. I'll stub my toe on a piece of furniture, the turnstyle at the gym won't turn when I scan my card (causing me to squish my nuts on the bar when I walk forward), I'll get the showerhead that doesn't work in the shower room, and I'll almost get hit by a car crossing the street because the driver never fucking looks where he or she is going. Then I had a memory flashback from years ago...

When I was sixteen, I got a job working at Marine World. I ran the kiosk next to the water ski show, selling cigarettes and sunblock. It was the ultimate irony (cigarettes cause types of cancer and sunblock helps prevent cancer) and I enjoyed it because I might be able to use it one day in an autobiography. A surly woman complained at how expensive the cigarettes were, and then she accused me of not giving her the correct change. After my manager counted my drawer and proved that the nasty bitch was wrong, the nasty bitch decided that the only way she could make me suffer was to put a curse on me.

I don't exactly remember what she said, but it was something like: "I pray that misfortune will follow you..." or something like that. She pointed her finger at me and did a "poof, begone" gesture with her hands and walked away.

I laughed about it then, but now I look back on my life and wonder how it would have turned out if she hadn't cursed me. I blame my stiff ankles on the curse, and that's why I am not a famous tap dancer like Savion Glover. GRR!! ::angry fist shaking::

Then I did what any sensible man of the new millennium would do in my situation. I used Google to find out how to break the curse. The use of technology to aid in the warding of curses may look attractive on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but it never helps in real life. All I could find were stupid incantations and mind prayers written by non-gypsies.

I'm not really worried about the curse anymore because there are really only two types of curses that you should worry about: Gypsy curses and Sicilian curses. Since the woman from my past looked neither Gypsy nor Sicilian, I think I'm in the clear.

What is bad luck, anyway? It's the easiest way for jerks to put their minds at ease because they fail to realize that there is more than one way to look at a situation. When you stub your toe on a piece of furniture, are you cursed? Or is it an indication of your poor judgment in furniture placement? Maybe you're just fucking clumsy!