The Karmic Law and My Guffaw... Richie has a tragic flaw!

Hindus and Buddhists believe that everyone is responsible for his or her own actions in this life and the next. The things we say and do help to shape our futures and this is called Karma. Basically, if you do good stuff, you get rewarded. If you're a mean son-of-a-bitch, then you will get your ass kicked either physically or spiritually. Being the man of science that I am, I never put much thought into the idea of Karma... until yesterday.

I was at the gym, watching tele while on the stair master. They showed the Canadian ice dancing duo, Dubrueil and Lauzon, and their unfortunate mistake during their performance that landed Dubrueil in the hospital which later caused them to withdraw from competition. When I saw her fall the first time, I made the 'yikes, that looks like it hurts' face. But then those damned news teams went a step further and showed the fall at different angles and in slow motion. That's when I let out a thunderous laugh. I really wasn't laughing at the fall. I just found it ridiculous that they deconstructed that moment so meticulously! I think they played the clip at least eight times.

As soon as I threw my head back in laughter, my machine stopped suddenly and I was thrown forward. I almost fell over the top of the machine, but I caught myself on the rail. It turns out that a medicine ball had rolled underneath the machine, stopping the stairs and allowing inertia to propel me a few inches off of the steps in a horrifying moment of divine retribution. I looked around and saw no one using the medicine balls. How very odd...

Here's what I don't understand: If this was 'instant karma,' then why didn't anything bad happen to the queens next to me who were laughing at MY misfortune? Shouldn't that have set off a karmic shockwave throughout the gym? It would have been a chain reaction, triggered by my laugh. I laugh, I fall, they laugh, they fall, other people laugh, they choke on their gum, others laugh, they get stuck in their pilates machines... it should have been a catastrophe. Let's face it, a lot of gay folks at the gym take pleasure in seeing others suffer. I've been to Melrose and I've seen the whole restaurant clap when the server drops his tray! I just don't understand how karma works. Maybe it's a point system where you get immunity from misfortune if you've done enough good deeds for the day. If that's the case, I should have a karmic wall around me. I'm the king of good deeds!

Since yesterday, I've personified Karma. To me, Karma is a beautiful Indian woman who stands behind me with a clipboard and a remote control. As she keeps track of my life actions, she keeps her finger on the remote control. If I do something bad, the remote will trigger an accident that will make me sorry I ever stepped out of line. Ah, the lovely law of cause and effect. The Hindus and Buddhists really hit that one on the nail.