Doppelgangbang

If you watch Late Night with Conan O'Brien, you probably know about the little running gag he has with the Finnish people. There's always some random Finn in the audience and he brings them up and jokes about Finland. He also bears a resemblence to the president of Finland, Tarja Halonen. Conan met with her yesterday, which I totally was against. It kills the gag!

Remember when Maya Rudolph and Donatella Versace appeared together during the VH1 Vogue Fashion Awards? Yeah it was funny for two minutes, but everything after that was completely bleh. In order to maintain the balance of the universe, two things that are alike must stay apart.

When I was in high school, our band had to house Australian band students and my band director thought it would be funny to put me up with the boy who looked exactly like me. His name was Matthew and he played the clarinet just like me. He combed his hair the same way I did, his favorite show at the time was The X-Files (as mine was), and he was a closeted gay boy with years of built-up sexual energy. What do you think will happen when you put two horny boys together in a room? If they don't beat the shit out of each other, they'll end up sucking each other off. Guess which one happened to me.

The moral of this story is that no good can come out of two 'likes' meeting together. I won't tell you what happened between me and Matthew. We'll chalk it up as one of those "The Lady or the Tiger" deals. We were unable to look each other in the eye the next morning. Was it because one of us felt guilty for emotionally ripping into the other one's ability to play the clarinet? Or was it because we felt guilty for exploring our blossoming sexuality? The world will never know.