Adventures in the Skin Trade

I couldn't sleep last night and I came across an infomercial for Proactiv. That shit does not work! People only think it works because of all the computer graphics and celebrity endorsements. Then they get suckered into buying a three month supply like I did, and end up with a red face and a slimmer wallet. And I also find it hard to believe that the before and after photos are real. They keep flashing that damn Britney Spears acne photo to scare people into thinking that their skin is going to turn out all yokelish and pale if they don't use the product.

If you have problems with your skin overdrying or breaking out, then you need to get Dove unscented. I think it's made with magical baby raptor saliva or something because it is the only thing that has kept my skin clear and soft. I sound like a commercial, but it's fucking true. Try using it for a week and see how your skin feels after that. People are more than welcome to come feel my face to get an idea of how fabulous Dove really is. I just ask that people wash their hands before coming at me and yes I will be equipped with my handy dandy black light that detects semen and urine traces!