Trial and Eros

When I was a young man exploring my sexuality, I dreaded sex because of my painful first experience letting someone in through the back door. He just jammed it in there without lubing it up, so you can imagine how much pain I was in. Nobody told me that you have to be greased up for it to feel good. Masturbation was also an ordeal because I was allergic to a lot of things that people normally used as lube, such as lotion, baby oil, and shower soap. There's nothing more embarrassing than scratching your rash-ridden crotch in gym class.

It wasn't until I got older that I realized that there's a HUGE selection of personal lubricants out there. But have you ever gone to the store to buy lube? It can be a daunting experience, especially if you aren't familiar with the types of lube on the market today.

Water based lubricants are generally the safest to use because they don't damage condoms. They're cheap and easy to wash off. It's not my favorite because it tends to dry out and get sticky easily, and as half of the gay community knows, I like to fuck for hours and I can't be bothered with reapplying. It's a real mood killer.

Oil based lubricants are great because they last long and are never sticky. It's not safe to use any oil-based lubes with condoms, so watch out for that. They're great for masturbation, but a bitch to clean up. I've spent many hours cleaning lube off of my keyboard and my remote controls - hours I could have spent taking a yoga class.

Silicone based lubes are great for so many reasons. They're condom safe, they don't get sticky, and some of them even moisturize your hands. The next time you shake someone's hand and feel that it's soft and smooth, just think that he may love to masturbate with silicone based lube. The only down side is that you can't use silicone based lubes on sex toys made out of silicone. It degrades the surface of the toy and eventually renders it unusable. Imagine using a dildo with cracks and tears in it. EEEEW!

I really love Gun Oil, which is a silicone based lube. It's not thick, it washes off easily with Bath and Body Works Country Apple antibacterial hand soap, and it's moderately priced. Eros is another popular brand, but it's pretty pricey and can get really thick after extended use. Both are great during marathon fuck sessions as well as quiet evenings at home with Jack Handey.

I love masturbating with Boy Butter, mostly because of the cute name. The packaging is reminiscent of the margarine tubs you'd find at the supermarket, and the texture is similar. It's made with coconut oil, which is great for the skin, but bad for condoms. Fortunately, the makers of Boy Butter have a water-based alternative called You Won't Believe it's not Boy Butter. I've gotten some really wonderful hand jobs with that lovely product.

Finding your own personal lube is not a difficult task. Just go out and try different brands. A lot of lubes now come in individual single use packs, which are great for sampling. It's a wonder that there are still men out there who haven't found the brand that is right for them. I can't tell you how emotionally distressing it is to go to a guy's house and have him break out a bottle of KY or Astroglide, or worse yet... some kind of lube brand that you'd never heard of and looks like it was made in the 80s.

There are three things you just don't skimp on: toilet paper, Q tips, and lube. EDUCATE YOURSELF!