Balls bounce, cookies crumble

Every time I see prices skyrocket, a part of me becomes disconnected with the world. I've seen the price of gas rise ever higher, and I died a little when I saw that an eight ounce bottle of lube was priced at $34.99. Nothing could prepare me for the most appalling price increase in history, the increase in the cost of a box of Girl Scout cookies.

I'm an old school cookie fiend, calling them by their original names like Tagalongs and Samoas. I realized last month that time was running out before I could get my hands on boxes of Girl Scout goodness, so I called the handy dandy cookie hotline and spoke to a perky woman about the whens and wheres. She told me that the troupes in my area are selling them for $4 and I just about flipped. I paid $3 for a box last year and she told me that each region has room to play with their prices based on blah blah blah. I don't know exactly why the price varies because I tuned her out after learning about how much I'd have to pay.

I can't shake the feeling that there's someone out there who doesn't want me to drive, masturbate, or gain weight.