Nemesis

There's a Filipino boy in Chicago who looks almost exactly like me. We've got the same skin tone, we're the same height, we've both got humongous Asian ghetto booties, and we've got deep voices. I met him at a party last year and I don't remember what his name is, which is fine because he's a complete asshole and knowing his name would only take up more memory space in my brain that I could be using for more important things like remembering the words to a Dolly Parton song. For the sake of clarity in this blog entry, I'll call him Mitchie.

I went to the party with the intention of finally snagging a guy I've been after for quite some time. The guy was there, being all charming and witty just like he is in every one of the fantasies I have of us together in the Markham Islands with our many slave boys who tend our pineapple crops. Just when I was about to talk to my guy, in walks Mitchie with his flipped up collar and his cell phone permanently attached to his ear. Mitchie comes over and talks to my guy, and eventually makes his way over to where I am. I'm discussing Kylie Minogue's recent announcement of breast cancer and how she's in for a tough fight with all of the stuff she has to deal with. My mama is a breast cancer survivor, so I know what happens.

When I make it known that my thoughts are with Miss Kylie during such a rough time in her life, Mitchie immediately balks at my comment and says that she's a tired old cow who's milking it for publicity. I was in shock because I don't see how anyone can be so evil. For the record, she announced it because she was in the middle of touring! Mitchie went on to say that the party was stupid and that he was already bored. I guess people are heavily into jerks because my guy was totally enamored by Mitchie's badboy attitude. I never thought I'd see Mitchie again... until this afternoon.

I was out getting lunch and I saw him on the corner. Mitchie had the same shaved head, the same flipped collar, the same bloody cell phone attached to his ear, and was also sporting a nice pair of sunglasses during one of Chicago's cloudiest and dreariest days. He probably wanted to hide his premature crow's feet. Then I saw a guy walk past him and he couldn't keep his eyes off of him. Mitchie wasn't paying attention because he was too busy cursing and complaining about something to someone on his phone.

I still don't understand why people are so into assholes who will more than likely end up treating them like shit in the long run. You see it all the time on talk shows and made for TV movies. Wouldn't you want someone who doesn't think that everything in the world is boring and stupid? Imagine trying to buy something for Mitchie's birthday. Meh, I don't even want to think about Mitchie. Of course I'm jealous! I'd love to be a bitch and get away with it, but I'm just not that lucky. People tell me that if guys go for an asshole like him, then they're not worth my time anyway. Fuck that shit, I'm more worried about looking like a saint when I'm next to someone who acts like an asshole - and I'm not a saint. Just last week, I didn't hold the door open for a woman who was coming up behind me. Ha!