Luscious Lads in Lycra

I'm really hating the fact that the public transport is getting more crowded these days. I take the train every morning at 9:30 and I used to be able to sit in a seat. Now I have to stand really close to other people who don't use deodorant and I don't think my nose can handle much more of it. When I become the supreme ruler of the world, I will convert every train station into an obstacle course like the Eliminator on American Gladiators. I think that will weed out a good 80% of the flotsam that clog my morning commute. I'll also be able to get a good workout before work.

I'm so disappointed at the fact that American Gladiators hasn't made a comeback. That show was fuckin awesome. I loved watching the muscle-bound men in their patriotic spandex roughing each other up and flexing those bulging biceps. Mmmm. My favorite event was Atlasphere, where the competitors maneuvered giant metal cages that looked like balls. Ha ha... balls.

People don't realize that a lot of conflicts can be solved by dressing up in red white and blue unitards and running an obstacle course with steroid-infused hunks waiting to pound you at the end of it. No one ever gave it a chance, and that's why a lot of problems go unsolved.