Nano... nah! or Crapples

Aplle introduced the iPod Nano recently. It's a thinner, more compact version of the clunky and easily breakable iPod. I personally don't like iPods because I believe that they're programmed to break as soon as the warranty runs out. They fuckin break if you look at them the wrong way. They're more tempermental than my ex boyfriend after coming down off of crystal meth. But I digress... As if there weren't a million iProducts out there, Apple also introduced a cell phone that plays mp3s. PASS! My sprint phone already has mp3 and video capabilities. It has a removable media card for easy storage and I love it to death.

I'm so anti-apple and that's not an exaggeration. I don't drink apple juice, I detest apple pie, I think Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter's name is ridiculous, and I don't like Fiona Apple. I think it came from a childhood experience where I was at home with a terrible fever and I was watching an episode of GI Joe. There was this scientific experimentish blob thing that was ravaging the city and the Joes directed it to an apple orchard to kill it because apple seeds contain a small amount of poison. I remember the blob and the apples and my high high fever... and I will never forget!

I think the mac is alien technology. It's too good to be of this earth. And have you ever been inside the Apple store? It's decked out like an alien spaceship with a lot of acrylic and white and stainless steel. I keep looking over my shoulder for fear of an anal probe. Well not so much of a fear... ha ha. Ahem. Anyhoo, Apple is evil and they're taking over the world. I think the iPods play a crucial role in the plan to enslave mankind. Yeah don't roll your eyes at me. One day you'll be looking for me to help you when the aliens are chasing you with a phallic object wanting to run "tests."