T&A Matinee

Bored out of my wits on a lazy Sunday, I went to the movie rental store and browsed the titles. I decided to test the old saying "you can't judge a book by its cover" by looking at the box art and judging whether or not it will be a good movie. I picked 'Into the Blue' and 'The Dukes of Hazzard.' Both movies had beautiful looking people on the covers, and I surmised that both of the movies would be just a bunch of stupid humor and T&A shots strung together in the editing room.

Boy, was I right! You CAN judge a book by its cover! I had to give 'Into the Blue' some snaps because they actually tried to tell a story with action and suspense. The dialogue was choppy and I got a little tired of the constant body shots that made me feel inadequate. It was just titties and abs, then wet titties and abs, then flexed muscles with bad dialogue, then more wet titties. NEXT!

I didn't even watch 'The Dukes of Hazzard' all the way through because I just didn't understand what was going on. It was like they started with a bunch of one-liners and wrote the rest of the movie around that, then added Jessica Simpson's Texas booty. If you look at the DVD box cover, you'll notice how the General Lee has been reduced to a simple background afterthought. Where's the justice in that? The only bright spots of the movie are the scenes where the General Lee is in the air in slow motion as the horn plays the Dixie Land theme. "YEEEEEEEE HAAAAW!"

I don't know how I got to be so judgemental. I think I'm just jealous that I can't walk around with juicy legs and buck teeth and struggle to say my lines. I'm SO jealous! I blame the marketing deparments for the bad choice in DVD box art. It's just not clever anymore. I lobbied for symbols next to the ratings to warn people of how bad a movie will be, but then I just realized that Jessica Simpson's name on the cover was warning enough.