Afrinholics Anonymous: It's been nine days since my last spray

One day in the late 1980s, the minions of hell conspired to figure out another way to make life unbearable for humankind. Anyone who studies demonology or has a passing interest in Buffy the Vampire Slayer would surmise that it was the demon Dantalion who spearheaded this campaign against humans. He quite possibly visited the Schering-Plough pharmaceutical company and imparted his demonic knowledge of science to the researchers there and helped them develop a nasty little product that we know as Afrin.

Afrin is a nasal decongestant spray that works by shrinking the blood vessels in your nasal sinuses that get swollen whenever you get a cold or a sinus infection. Sinus congestion/stuffy nose is a pain to endure, especially when you're trying to sleep at night. On the surface, Afrin seems to have many positives:

• Works within seconds
• Lasts for twelve hours
• Is fairly inexpensive
• Can be obtained without a prescription
• Has a phallic-shaped applicator tip

But freedom to nose-breathe does not come without a price. The blood vessels in the nasal sinuses will eventually expand and you're left with the feeling that your breathing COULD be just a little smoother if you had that liquid gold sprayed up your nose. Then you spray more up there and your brain releases some endorphins as a reward for allowing more oxygen to get to it. Soon you find yourself buying multiple bottles of Afrin to keep in your gym bag or the office "just in case." When you leave for work in the morning, you incorporate Afrin into your mental list of things you need before you walk out the door. Your friends try to take it away from you, but they soon regret it when they see the look of desperation on your face as you claw their face.

A lot of people who use Afrin soon develop a dependency, resulting in a condition called Rebound Nasal Congestion. Ask anyone who has used Afrin and you're sure to find one or two people who went through the nightmare of trying to get off of the stuff. My advice is to avoid it if you can.

Meanwhile, Dantalion and his subjects at Schering-Plough are looking at you through their crystal ball and laughing as they count your money and keep a tally of your days of dependency on a little chalk board they keep around just for the hell of it.