Anything you can do, I can do better

One of my favorite recurring skits on Saturday Night Live features Penelope, a thirty something woman who always one-ups whatever anyone says. After one of the guests mentions meeting the hosts at a Lamaze class six months prior, Penelope responds:

I've known them for, like, seven years. So, just a little bit longer. I've just known them for a really long time, so... longer, just better friends. So... longer than you guys. So...

We all know someone like Penelope, nd I have the distinct pleasure of being in the employ of one such individual. No matter what I say, my boss always seems to have done something slightly better. I once told him that I saw an ex boyfriend at a bar and I flirted with the guy he was with. My boss then said that he saw two of his boyfriends at a bar and their boyfriends ended up making out with him in the bathroom.

I once mentioned that I hurt my knee in yoga class and he had to outdo me by saying that he broke his leg in three places when he lost his balance doing Tai Chi, which he says is more relaxing than yoga.

Today my boss was telling one of his clients that he was published in a book.

His old apartment was featured in Spectacular Homes of Chicago, one of the books in the Spectacular Homes series published by Panache Partners. It's basically a yuppie version of MTV Cribs in book form that ultimately ends up collecting dust on some cocktail table of an angry divorcee who lives in Lincoln Park and doesn't let anyone wear shoes in her house because it'll scuff up the floors.

My boss went on about how "if you haven't been in a book, then you're just one of the little people." Refusing to let this fauxhawked, pants-too-tight-for-his-age-group version of Penelope outshine me for the thousandth time, I casually mentioned that I was also mentioned in a book:

"Um, my writing has been quoted in a book. It's written by a notable psychologist who specializes in adolescent cognitive potential."

I'd rehearsed that line a hundred times for cases such as this.

The Human Odyssey: Navigating the Twelve Stages of Life is an interesting book about human development, written by Dr. Thomas Armstrong. It explores life in stages, from pre-birth to death. If you read the section that deals with the transition from adolescence to early adulthood, you'll find a direct reference to my humble little blog where I discuss my own fears of moving away from my family in Houston to the seemingly scary city of Chicago.

The look on his face was priceless. It was as if we were both competing in the Junior Miss pageant and I follow his modern ballet routine with a double fire baton spectacular.

I am prepared for a rebuttal if he tries to criticize Dr. Armstrong's book. It's currently ranked #37,264 on Amazon.com's bestseller list, while Specacular Homes is ranked #437,710.

I try to toot my own horn about this particular citing, mostly because I'm just one of many references in Dr. Armstrong's book, but there are times when you just have to stand up, flip your imaginary hair, and put a stop to a one-upsman.