Got any change... FAGGOT?!?!

"At least I don't pee behind dumpsters!"
"I'd rather be a faggot than smell like shit and body odor!"
"Go back home to... oh wait, you don't have a home!"

You're probably wondering what all that mess is about. Those are three things that I wanted to say to someone today but I was too upset to think of anything witty like that. Today I was accosted by an aggressive homeless man sitting outside of the Starbucks on Clark and Belmont. I assumed that he was homeless because he had a huge duffel bag full of random stuff, but I will use the term 'panhandling derelict' in this blog entry for the sake of clarity.

He's always there, talking to himself and shaking his cup with one hand while wiggling the other as if he's trying to wake an imaginary person who fell asleep listening to his rant about why trees are evil. I usually walk past and make no eye contact, but today he stuck his leg out across the sidewalk as he shook his cup at me. As I maneuvered around his attempt to stop me, I held my hand up and said "sorry" and walked past. Then he yelled at me: "YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!"

I will give him a little credit for figuring out that I was gay and that gay people don't like to be called faggots. Maybe he didn't even know that I was gay and threw out the F word just for kicks. Who knows?

Sometimes when I walk down the street, I notice peoples' facial expressions as they put money in a panhandling derelict's cup or filthy hat. They always have a solemn smile that says "Keep your chin up, buddy! Things will get better!" mixed with a tacit "I just did something very good for humanity and I'm sure to get into heaven now! Everyone should be as virtuous as me!"

I think that people are fools for giving money to panhandling derelicts because it only encourages them to keep begging for it. It's a lot like pigeons in the park. You give them a little bit, then you get mobbed by more of them and they start expecting you to give them food. I've seen pigeons actually fly up next to food, expecting to get a piece of it. Derelicts are the same way.

You're not doing something worthwhile by donating your change to a derelict for two reasons.

1. You don't even know if they're actually homeless.
2. You don't know where the money will be spent.

If you need another reason to never patronize a panhandling derelict, then the fact that a South Park episode was written about the subject should be good enough. It was entitled "Night of the Living Homeless." Watch it. If the topic has been discussed on either South Park or The Simpsons, then it has to be valid.

I'm not a heartless person. I just hate when dirty people call me 'faggot.'