The Other Great Equalizer

Social class, age, race, religion, taste in music, political views, and sexual preference are just a few of the many barriers that separate people in the world. But there are certain things that break down these barriers - things that bring corporate raiders onto the same level as short order cooks or British royalty onto the same level as people who live in Section 8 housing. We call them "Equalizers," and cancer is known as the greatest of them all. Another great equalizer that no one ever thinks about is the public restroom.

People use public restrooms for three reasons:

1. To poop or pee
2. To engage in some type of sex act
3. To flee from a blind date by climbing out of the restroom window

The public restroom satisfies the need to excrete waste, the uncontrollable desire to climax, and the ultimate need to be free and unburdened by some dude who chews with his mouth open and would probably fall asleep during sex. The point is that everyone has to go there for one of those three reasons. It doesn't matter what color your skin is, how much money you have, what area of Chicago you live in, or whether or not you're gay. You have to use the restroom.

I remember being bullied in elementary school and one day using the restroom next to one of the bullies. For that short period of time where he was urinating and I was nonchalantly trying to sneak a peek at his goodies, he didn't call me a fag and he didn't make fun of the way I walked or talked. He just stood there doing his business. I knew that once I left the restroom, I would be stepping out of neutral territory and that it was every man for himself.

Years later during regular shifts as a manager for AMC Theatres, I would have the enormous luck of being in the restroom with certain celebrities such as Donald Sutherland and Kevin Smith. There's nothing more uplifting than seeing a successful film star experiencing the pee shiver in the urinal next to you.

High and mighty U.S. senators who oppose gay marriage have been known to take wide stances in the stalls of certain public restrooms in search of anonymous gay sex.

The truth about this blog entry is that I was just trying to find a way to let the world know that I had the pleasure of meeting the national touring cast of Jersey Boys in the restroom last night at a local theatre here in Chicago. Don't you just hate blog entries where starry-eyed fan boys brag about running into someone famous? My entry isn't like that because it isn't every day that a quirky little gay Asian boy gets to meet four guys from Jersey, under a street lamp... singing somebody else's latest hit.

Let me just say that they were very pleasant and gracious and their skin is just as flawless as their voices. Go see Jersey Boys and be sure to use the restroom. You never know who you'll run into!