Leave Halloween Alone!

I was walking through the foyer in my building yesterday and I noticed that someone left one of those Christian mini-comics on the bench. This one was entitled "Happy Halloween," and featured a kid who went to hell because he rejected Jesus as his personal savior when he died on Halloween. I know that someone in my building left it there for people to read because I always see that one of the wireless networks I can connect to is named "Jesus_Saves."

When I was a kid, we lived next door to a hardcore Christian family who handed out these mini comics instead of candy. The one I got in my candy sack was about a girl who was dating a guy who turned out to be a winged demon from hell and the girl ended up getting sacrificed in a ritual. The moral of the story was that unwavering trust in God was the key to getting into heaven. To a plucky little Asian kid dressed as the Phantom of the Opera, this was indeed disturbing. That family was always decorating their car with bumper stickers that read "ABORTION KILLS" and "JESUS SAVES." They'd always be in front of the abortion clinic with their signs, yelling at people who enter. They always try to scare people with weird little comic books on the one holiday where little gay boys get to have the most fun.

I told one of my friends about finding the mini comic in my building and she floored me when she stated that hardcore Christians are exactly like gay people in the sense that the two groups are always trying to force their lifestyles down the throats of others. It was one of those ridiculous statements similar to the one where people tell you that you'll end up like your mother and it turns out to be true when you buy your first piece of Fiestaware. It's ludicrous at first, but then you start to examine the congruences:

1. Some gay people put rainbow stickers on their cars the same way that the Christians put preachy bumper stickers on their cars.

2. Gay people always protest outside of restaurants every time an employee asks them to stop holding hands. If you've been to a Panera Bread in the suburbs, you'd know what I was talking about. They stand outside and yell at people who go in the same way anti-abortion activists yell at teenage girls who had busy spring breaks in Cabo as they walk into a clinic.

I'll concede these points.

Let's not forget that the real victim is Halloween. We can't continue to use a fantastic holiday like this to further our own agendas. I'll talk to my gay people and try to get them to stop dressing up in tacky costumes such as the classic sailor or really bad drag if the Christians agree to stop scaring kiddies with literature that links Halloween to Satan.