So here's the story from A to Z...

Picture it: overpriced clothes for sale, underage girls wearing clothes that leave nothing to the imagination, and young virginal gay boys who will eventually run away to Hollywood where they will be forced to star in several low-budget porn films shot with a camera purchased at Circuit City. No, I'm not describing a typical evening on the Sunset Strip. I'm describing the atmosphere of last Friday's Spice Girls concert at the United Center.

I admit it. Ten years later, I'm still a huge Spice Girls fan. As the queer kid in high school, I jammed out to "Wannabe" during marching band road trips. In college, I mourned the departure of Ginger Spice and danced to Melanie C's "I Turn to You" while doing ecstasy at several gay clubs in Houston. I was there through all of their pregnancies, and last year I even voted for Melanie B on "Dancing With the Stars." Now I'm 28 and I'm one of the oldest people sitting in section 209 of the Spice Girls reunion tour, but I didn't care.

They put on an amazing show. Nine high-resolution jumbo monitors, an enormous stage with moving parts that juts out into the audience like a fashion show runway, a ton of glitter that fell upon the audience, Melanie B's S&M machine, and an all-male dance group with not an ounce of jiggle on them were just a few things that we had the pleasure of witnessing last Friday. Geri also treated us to her rendition of the gay national anthem "It's Raining Men."

Some of the best entertainment that evening wasn't on the stage. The girls who attended the concert provided quite a bit of fodder for return trip conversation as well as material for blog entries. A lot of girls wore outfits that did not complement their bodies. Some also wore stiletto heels and had a hell of a time trying to keep their ankles from wiggling. I know it's a fun event and that you want to look good, but who are you going to impress by wearing that stuff at a Spice Girls concert? The only men who are going to look their way are gay men and it's only because they either want to know why the girls didn't wear a foundation that is closer to their actual skin tone or to make sure that they're not hallucinating when they see them walking in the freezing weather with no coat.

Mike and Israel, who invited me to attend with them (a million thank-yous), made an interesting comment after observing the hullabaloo that was the Chicago Spice Girls fan base. They said that a lot of the girls and gay boys who went to the show had to have been either four or five years old when the Spice Girls first made it onto the scene. At first I thought they were Johnny-come-lately fans, but the big girl in the row in front of me proved me wrong. She wore a tiny top and low rise jeans that tried their darnedest to hide that crack of hers, but she belted out every word of every song and danced every move to go with it like she was prepared to go on in the unfortunate event that Posh would collapse from low blood sugar. Bless her heart!

A lot of people in America are quick to scoff at the Spice Girls because they're not great singers and they're really flashy or hokey, but there are a lot of successful entertainers out there who can't sing anyway. I'm more attracted to the whole package, not the minor details like being able to sing without lip syncing. Each of the girls has a unique style and personality (like a lot of the queens you know), which is probably why they're so popular with the gays. Another reason could be that Roberto Cavalli designed the outfits for the show, but let's pretend for a second that all of the gays aren't into fashion.