Lucky Little Queer Kids

The gay children in this generation don't know how great they have it. I don't make this claim because I'm jealous of the fact that they'll one day have the ease to do things without fear of social nonacceptance such as marry, donate blood, and choose the genetic qualities of their future children. I'm referring to the fact that there are a lot of cute and hot people who appear in the television shows they watch.

How many cute or hot people taught you not to play with matches or to count to ten? It sounds silly, I know, but think back to all of the programs that you watched as a kid. The hotness of any children's television personality from 1980 to 1990 only registered a faint blip on our Gaydar, with the exception of Miguel from 3-2-1 Contact. He was a cute Hispanic boy who wore tight jeans and knew everything there is to know about centrifugal force. Other than that, we had NO ONE! Well, there was Mister Rogers, but I didn't become interested in older men until high school. Hey, how many men can dress comfortably AND use their imagination these days?

Here are a few examples of what our future friends of Dorothy are tuning in to watch when they wake up from their naps:

Steve Burns (Blue's Clues) - Most of the boyfriends I've had in my life were ones who yell, dominate the conversation, and lazily sit around the house. Steve is one of those guys who would make a great boyfriend because was never like that. He was very soft-spoken, he always wanted to know what was on your mind, and he loved getting the mail.

Steve isn't on the show anymore, but I find him cuter than his replacement.


Anthony Field (The Wiggles) - As the blue wiggle, he brings joy to millions of kids. But I defy you to look at him and not try to imagine this salt and pepper haired daddy wearing a harness and clanking the chains of a dungeon sling as he orders you to lick his boots. I don't think it can be done.








Simon Thomas and Matt Baker (Blue Peter) - Blue Peter is a children's television show in the UK and it also happens to be the longest running children's television show in history. A few years ago, they had a couple of smokin' hot hunky presenters named Matt Baker and Simon Thomas.

This is what they look like with their shirts on.


This is what they look like with their shirts off.



I guess it's okay that I'm not a gay kid at the moment because I wouldn't have a chance with any of these men as a spanky little seven year old who plays with Barbie dolls. But that's cold comfort, seeing as how I kind of don't have a chance with them as a twenty eight year old gay man because none of them are gay anyway.