The Yoko Syndrome

I've got a great network of friends, and I enjoy spending time with one particular circle. We get together every week while sipping wine and talking about the fun and exciting events of our lives. Sometimes we'll nurture our trashy sides and watch the a VH1 reality show (Rock of Love, I Love New York 2). Then we'll go out drinking or dancing at a bar where the drinks are moderately priced and the men are plentiful. Everything was wonderful and peachy, and I was one happy camper.

One day, fate decided to shake things up by introducing a new face into the group. I'm always suspicious of new people, so I didn't get too attached. Since I don't have his permission to use his real name, let's call him "Ezekiel." Ezekiel is a saucy young fellow, and a bit cheeky when he's got a few drinks in him. His roguish good looks and mysterious ways had no effect on me like they did with everyone else... at first.

Long story short, Ezekiel and I started spending more time together. Then my friends started acting weirdly, not showing up for drinks at the appointed places and not returning my phone calls. A couple of them have voiced their refusal to be in the same room as Ezekiel because he allegedly said something bad about one of them after he'd consumed enough alcohol to put Peter O'Toole to shame, and me because I'm a slave to Ezekiel's massive penis and can't make my own decisions.

This came as a complete shock to me because I've always put my friends first. I always call them, include them in my plans, offer to buy drinks, and put money down for a deposit for our annual weekend trips. I'd never give my friends the shaft just because a man influenced me to do so. It's like the Spice Girls always say:

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,
Make it last forever. Friendship never ends.

I'm still scratching my head as to why things with my friends resulted in such discord, but then I remembered an interesting phenomenon that occurs in groups of friends from time to time. It happens when harmony in a group is interrupted by a new person who sometimes pairs with an existing member of the group. It's affectionately referred to as "The Yoko Syndrome," referring to Yoko Ono's alleged contribution to the destruction of the Beatles. Poor Ezekiel is afraid that he's Yoko-ed us to the point of no return.

If there's any truth to this Yoko thing, that would make me the John... which is much better than being the Ringo, believe me! But my group of friends is hardly the Beatles and it's not really fair to blame the new guy for problems that arise as a result of his influence.

It's very easy to make your true feelings known by using the new guy as a scapegoat. By using someone else's recent inclusion as a smokescreen, you're free to cast aspersions as you see fit. I can't help but wonder if these feelings had always been there inside them. What really bothers me is that people quickly turn things into a battle with sides to be chosen. I suddenly have to choose between my friends and a guy, which doesn't sit well with me.

I'd never choose a man over a friend, but I will always choose a non-dramatic situation over the situation where I feel like I'm in high school and Susie Jenkins turned everyone against me by spreading a nasty rumor about my sexual proclivities because I stole the captain of the football team away from her.