Foul Disclosure

I missed the selection phase for this year's Gay Bloggie Awards. Boo! I still am extremely honored to have been nominated for best individual blogger in the 2007 Weblog Awards, but I really wish I could have participated in the Gay Bloggies. It seems like a lot of fun. The format this year is similar to an elimination type reality show, where each blogger is presented with a writing challenge and one person gets eliminated each week.

Rather than just let things go like the normal and well-adjusted young gay man that I work so hard to lead people to believe that I am, I decided to run some of my blog entries parallel to the Gay Bloggie competition. Is this healthy? No. Is it fun? You bet your sweet patootie!

Gay Bloggie Challenge #1: Confess something you've never written on your blog

The gods of Mount Olympus consumed only one thing during their reign over the hearts and minds of humankind. It was called ambrosia, and it was highly sought after by men seeking immortality. If Zeus had influence on midwestern restaurant chains, he would have shaped ambrosia into something that fits into the palm of your hand and fills the air with a certain intoxicating fragrance that no one can quite identify. My ambrosia is none other than the White Castle Burger, and I confess that I absolutely love them.

They're probably made from grade R meat. Each burger probably has more calories than a tub of lard. It makes your sweat smell like grilled onions. You feel extremely gross after consuming large amounts of it. But for one brief moment as you sink your teeth into one of them, every one of your taste buds dances with delight.

Whenever I walk past a group of people while carrying a crave case (30 white castle burgers), I find myself clutching it as if it were a suitcase filled with a million dollars. I see the look in peoples' eyes as they notice the forbidden foodstuff in my hand. It's a mixture of jealousy and rapture, but they often try to hide it by acting repulsed by the sight of such gluttony.

Liking White Castle burgers is a lot like masturbation. Ninety nine percent of the population admit to it and the other one percent is lying about it.

A big thank you goes out to Joe, who pointed out my misuse of the word "Fowl" versus "Foul" in the title. Originally, I intended to include the White Castle chicken rings into the discussion but they never made it in. Oopsie!