Replay Value

Someone asked me recently how I can keep track of all the men I "socialize" with in my life. First I had to scan the statement for sarcasm. When I detected that it was an innocent question and not a passive-aggressive dig at my numerous sexual escapades with many different men, I began to set him straight on the issue.

First of all, it only seems like I'm having sex with a ton of people because most of the people in my life are either married, with a boyfriend, or not able to use what God gave them in order to snag a good shag whenever the opportunity comes along. When you compare me to a monogamous person or someone who can't shake their ass like Shakira, of course I'll come off looking like a Jezebel! It's not my fault. I'm a victim of circumstance.

I'm like the top seller at a real estate office with his name on a leader board with fifty houses sold while other people only have one or two houses sold, so when customers come into the office they think he's a hot shot. That's me, but with notches on my bed post instead of houses on the board.

I also tend to keep the one night stands to a minimum. There's something about an impromptu sexual encounter that gives me the willies. Half the time, we're too drunk to know what the other person looks like. They'll also expect to stay over the whole night, which is really bad because I need my space. What's worse, they probably weren't expecting to get some that evening so you don't know if they've showered or trimmed down there! I hate having to hold my breath when I go downtown. The point is that most of my play dates are a result of careful consideration and proper interviewing.

I choose my fuck buddies the same way I choose video games to play. I shop around and I do my homework. In a world where consumers are forced to pay upwards of $59.95 for a new release, we must take the time to research the pros and cons. If you make impulsive decisions based on flashy packaging, you'll often find that the fun runs out quickly and you're left with a sixty dollar paperweight that you're embarrassed to tell people that you purchased because they'd just ask you why you didn't just rent it. Sound familiar?

The biggest deciding factor when it comes to men and video games is REPLAY VALUE. Is this a man/game that you're going to finish in just a few hours and never see/play again because you got bored with it so fast? Don't be lured by cute faces/cool box art because you'll just end up wasting your time/money. Look for men/games that you can have sex with/play with over and over again and you'll be a much happier gay man in Chicago/video game consumer.

I don't have a million men that I sleep with, I have a few men who I sleep with a million times.

If you're like me, then you can explain this to people whenever they come at you with the whore jokes after you tell them about your latest fling. Tell them that you're not a slut, you're a smart shopper!