Beer, Boobs, and Buffalo Wings

It may come as a shock to a lot of people that there are some gay men in the world who actually eat food. I know, right!?!? How scandalous! We all don't have 1% body fat and we all can't live off of altoids and propel fitness water for months at a time. Eating out is a wonderful experience, especially in the summer time. You get your fill of some nice food that you didn't prepare yourself, and a nice treat for the eyes as scads of gorgeous shirtless men pass by.

Many gay men have problems eating out because restaurants are either too expensive, too crowded, not cruisy enough, or just plain dirty. The Taco and Burrito Palace on Halsted St. comes to mind. They charge 1.99 for a medium drink with no refills, the seats are sticky with what you HOPE is dried soda, and the closest thing to a cute guy is the one chef who ISN'T picking the wax out of his ears. Ugh!

So what's the one place where a gay man can go to get reasonably priced food, instant seating, and a ton of hottie hot men to ogle? Why, HOOTERS, of course!

Before you roll your eyes, just consider that the average lunch or dinner for two gay men in the city of Chicago can cost upwards of $35 to $40 at a hip restaurant that's advertised in Metromix. Two gay boys can go to Hooters for about half that price. You have enough money left over to get a cocktail afterward or rent a nice porn video. Imagine that!

I've also never had to wait to be seated at a Hooters. The women are so glad that the gay men aren't there to stare at their goodies that they find a table for them quickly and treat them like kings... er, queens. It's a very relaxed environment for the gays because it's one of the few places where we don't have to keep up appearances for fear of being talked about at the bars later that night.

For all the queers sneering at Hooters food because they think it's unhealthy, you should know that they now offer skinless chicken and other healthy alternatives to the classic menu.

Finally, the most important reason why I go to Hooters is the abundance of smoking hot straight boys. You know I love the breeders! They always travel in packs and if you're lucky, you can corner one of them in the restroom and give him a quick hand job because he's so drunk. I really love watching their eyes as they're looking at the waitress' titties. You wonder if they're wanting to put their face in it or if they want to grow a pair for themselves.

Don't be so quick do dismiss Hooters as one of your frequent eateries. The ladies at Hooters always love their gay customers, so you'll always feel welcome.