Heir Supply

My mother is notorious for her guilt trips. She's put so many people on guilt trips that if Orbitz or Expedia had a "passive-aggressive" division, she'd be employee of the month every month. One of the things that she's always nagged me about was the fact that I am my father's last male child, so his last name will die with me. Yeah... NO PRESSURE, MA!

It's not that I don't like kids. I just don't like BAKs. That stands for bad ass kids. I actually love spending time with my sisters' children. They're smart, they're energetic, they're cute, and they think I'm super uncle. Let's face it - if the kid has any Filipino in them, they're naturally superior to all other children.

I'm not going to give in to the pressure from mama, or all of my high school friends who are popping out kids like there's no tomorrow. I'm afraid that by the time I decide that I do want to have children of my own, my equipment won't work as well as it does now. I'm referring to 'shooting myself in the ear,' mentioned in a previous blog post about boyfriends who tell each other everything. I've lived in my apartment for three years and I still haven't decided on a paint color!

That's why I'm looking into having my sperm frozen. I don't know how long it lasts when it's frozen, but I'm hoping that medical science will have progressed to the point where I don't need a woman to bring forth the fruit of my loins. I'd love for there to be a machine that takes care of all the good stuff like providing nutrients and regulating hormone balance for the growing kid. The less people involved, the better we'll all be. My friend Joe reminded me that I do need an egg, so I'll just have to find an egg donor. Bah!

If by then I am completely devoid of morality, I'm hoping to take advantage of genetic manipulation. Imagine a super child who looks exactly like me, equipped with lightning fast reflexes and built-in night vision. I'll even throw in the power to become invisible.

All that is fun to think about, but I think I need to find a paint color first. Baby steps!