The Gay Agenda

I was reading some articles about Peter LaBarbera, the head of Americans For Truth, and I just can't understand why he thinks that GLBT groups are so dangerous. They're not promoting hate like those Nazi Twins I saw on Primetime Live earlier this year. Americans For Truth is an organization whose goal is to combat the popularity and acceptance of gay culture. On the Americans For Truth website, he says:

"“Homosexual, bisexual, and transsexual groups spend tens of millions of dollars every year to market and normalize their aberrant lifestyles, yet after all these years there is not a single, serious national group dedicated specifically to exposing and countering their agendas."

It reminds me of the question that Margaret Cho posed in her Assassin tour:

"What is the Gay Agenda? Is it assless wedding gowns?"

This guy makes me feel the way I feel when I think of Ann Coulter. I know I shouldn't let it bother me so much, but reading all of these negative comments about the GLBT culture makes me want to do something to stop all the bullshit.

If you've seen the last two seasons of Alias, you'd know that the CIA created a black ops task force called APO to carry out all the dirty work so that the U.S. Government wouldn't be held responsible for anything bad that went down. It's totally off the books and completely hush-hush. I think there should be a black ops organization run by the GLBT groups to further the 'gay agenda.'

It will be called the Gay Underground Liberation Patrol, or G.U.L.P. for short. GULP agents will be sent out around the world to stamp out threats to the gay agenda, as well as to crimes against fashion like wearing Crocs. I'd totally sign up to bring down mister Peter LaBarbera because I'd be the perfect choice. He looks like someone who'd be secretly into Filipino/Portuguese guys with big booties and no gag reflex. He'd be in his office whacking off to Asian boy porn. Look at this guy. Doesn't he look like a dirty little bugger? Think of him in assless chaps, sporting a riding crop, whipping a Cambodian cleaning boy for not kissing his boots correctly.

I'll channel my inner Sydney Bristow, then infiltrate the insidious Americans For Truth organizaiton posing as a young intern with shapely buns and a 'come hither' stare. After months of gaining his trust, I'd get him alone and unconscious by putting rufees in his latte and have someone take photographs of us in various sexual positions. I imagine he'd be partial to a little bit of fisting or some nice sounding sessions at the AFT home office.

Gay black ops task force? Are you intrigued? I hope the gay mafia is reading this blog because I think I'd be a perfect candidate for the GULP team. I can GULP like a champ.