Dairy Dilemma

I've decided that being lactose intolerant really bites. I looked in my refrigerator and noticed that 80% of the things in it are dairy. There's milk, yogurt, pizza with a ton of cheese, and mozzarella sticks. In my cabinets, I have cheese puffs and cheese-its. I've got ice cream in the freezer. Those are all my favorite foods and they come with a tacit warning label: Eat me at your own risk!

Sure, I can get lactaid, but it gets expensive after a while. And the lactaid brand milk is like highway robbery in liquid form. All of the really good protein products on the market are whey-based and it makes my stomach turn. What's a boy to do in this situation? There's soy... blah.

Market Days is this weekend. I remember trying to go to Market Days during my first year in Chicago, two years ago. I was dating a guy who was this crazy Cubs fan. He was really jealous and he wanted me to stay home because "the street isn't safe for boys like you during Market Days." What the hell? If anything, the street isn't safe BECAUSE of boys like me. He didn't realize it, but I can be quite the troublemaker. I move through crowds just so I can step on everybody's feet. Muah ha ha ha! ::evil laugh::

But this year I plan to wear something that will draw attention to my badonkadonk. I've been working so hard on it lately. Ha ha, I just typed 'hard on.' I just know it's gonna be hella hot so I have to keep hydrated and sunblocked. Wish me luck!