This is not what I meant when I said "Exposed Wood!"

If you're like the other dirty birds in Chicago, then you're probably hard up for places to go when you want anonymous gay sex in the mid morning. Foster Beach isn't warm enough during this time of year. The back room at The Ram does open at 9:30 A.M., but all of the better-looking felchers don't show up until after six. So what's a fella to do? He goes to the nearest Home Depot!

I went to the Home Depot today to pick up some trim and was surprised to find that there wasn't a lesbian in sight, what with all of the jokes about the lesbians loving the Home Depot. I really think that they're doing a great job of catering to the gay clientèle with all of the cute boys they've got in the customer service area and all the sassy, big-bootied black women ringing people up at the registers. Everyone knows that sassy black women make the best fag hags and that lots of gay men fantasize about customer service butt sex. But I digress.

There are a lot of dark corners in the lumber section, (which is surprising when you consider how much fluorescent lighting that place has) and I had the unfortunate pleasure of witnessing a man briskly walking away from another man who was zipping his pants back up when I passed by. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that I'd interrupted a public sex act. It turns out that I wasn't the only queen in the Home Depot looking for some trim!

I do notice that I get a lot of hungry stares from the men who shop there. At first I thought it was because they didn't think that it was right for Asian/Hispanic hybrids to do home improvement, but now I realize that it's because they possibly wanted a piece of my pie.

I guess I shouldn't be all that shocked to discover that sort of thing going on at Home Depot. When you think about it, the whole home improvement genre is rife with sexual innuendo. Things get nailed, screwed, and you sometimes use a tool called a 'stud finder.'