I Could Have Cha Cha Slid All Night

Ever since I could remember, I was always unsettled by change. I remember feeling like the world was going to end when Cloris Leachman replaced Charlotte Rae on The Facts of Life. I also hated when my mother changed soda brands without first discussing it with us. It was madness.

I still get nervous when I show up to yoga class and some other person is teaching it. My chakras just withhold all of my prana and my bandhas refuse to function.

I was especially leery about attending the Valparaiso Barrister’s Ball with my boyfriend this past weekend. I didn’t know what to expect this year because last year was so vivid and memorable that I never imagined that it could be duplicated. But my fears were put to rest. Things hardly changed from last year and it allowed me to have a truly spectacular evening.

I’m always afraid of dressing like everyone else, and it’s easy to get lost in a sea of similarity whenever you attend a black tie event. Don’t you hate when you show up to a party and someone has on the same outfit? This year was different because I was one of four men who actually wore a black bow tie. Whew!

I was nearly trampled by eager bar-goers last year when they constantly got up to freshen their drinks. This year I chose a seat at my table where I wouldn’t be surrounded by people at other tables. I sat near the wall, which is similar to how I always use a locker at the end of the row whenever I go to the gym because I never get trapped by unsavory people when I do that. It’s a good thing I did that because the same thing happened. This was compounded by the fact that open bar lasted for a limited time. Fortunately, I watched people scramble from the comfort of my wall chair.

Last year, a girl almost threw up on me because she clearly had too much to drink. This year I was able to avoid a similar situation because I heard her girlfriends shushing her and repeatedly saying her name in an attempt to calm her down. As soon as I saw this year’s drunk girl, I immediately dropped what I was doing, threw my hands up in the air, and backed away slowly.

No matter what anyone says, mixing food has the same effect as mixing alcohol. This year I had the opportunity to avoid that fate because the menu was exactly the same. I just said ‘no’ to the lethal baked ziti/mashed potato combination and I never had to ingest an antacid.

The Cha Cha Slide, a favorite at EVERY black tie event, was prominently featured this year. Last year I got stuck doing a similar instructional dance and I looked silly because I was not coordinated enough to follow the commands. It wouldn’t have been bad if I actually HAD done the Cha Cha Slide with everyone else. When you have someone telling you to clap your hands and to stomp your left foot, there is absolutely no way to mess up like there is when you try to do the foxtrot or the regular cha cha at other black tie events.

And of course, there’s nothing like seeing an old friend you haven’t seen in MONTHS. You wonder what other parties they’d been to or how things in their life have been flowing. This year I had the immense pleasure of being reunited with my old friend, the chocolate fountain.

Anyone who knows about Oprah knows that she hates surprises, and it’s safe to say that if Oprah had attended the Barrister’s Ball in 2008 and 2009, she would not be disappointed. I don’t care what people think. I definitely enjoyed attending this year’s Barrister’s Ball because it was so familiar and comfortable. Kudos!