The Science of the Sixty Nine

A lot of men in personals ads will put in their profile that they prefer men who are similar to their own height. People are entitled to their own preferences, but there have to be reasons as to why a lot of men don't like to date people who are much taller or shorter than they are. I've asked a few people about this and the response that comes up the most is that sex with someone taller or shorter than you can be awkward and cumbersome.

As someone who has done extensive research on the subject of sex, let me be the first to state that sex with someone taller or shorter than you is NOT awkward or cumbersome. The only time it would be cumbersome would be kissing while standing, and that's nothing that a strategically-placed floor pillow from Crate and Barrel can't fix.

What people are most worried about is that they won't match up during the ever-crucial and extremely enjoyable "69" position. Are their fears justified? I decided to see for myself.

Using myself as a control (because I'm 5'8.5" and the average height for males in the United States is 5'9"), I compared the MTC (mouth to cock) distances of people who are taller and shorter than me. I changed the subjects' names to protect their identities. Here are the results:

According to my data, the MTC distances for all six subjects are fairly similar. The average MTC distance is 29.9 inches. If you don't believe me, the grab a tape measure and give it a go!

So the next time someone scoffs at an extremely tall or short man open their eyes to my MTC study. You'll be helping them add another notch to their bedpost and you'll be helping me re-establish my credibility in the scientific community. I mean, geez! You embroider a few lousy hot rod flames onto your lab coat and take it in a few inches to accentuate your pecs and suddenly you're the whore of Organic Chemistry.